Defending Beauty

Case in point.

I've been hearing a lot of buzz from the online beauty community recently about cyber abuse directed at beauty bloggers, gurus and websites. Beauty enthusiasts who follow online experts are probably aware of the vicious forums that rip apart beauty lovers, or at least the nasty comments left on their websites and fan pages. If you're not familiar with this world, you must have encountered hate-filled posts by online 'trolls' under any article that permits anonymous commentary. By this token, there's emerged an online community that takes specific issue with beauty enthusiasts; the anti-beauty sentiment is so acute that some beset bloggers have quit rather than endure the antagonism.

This attitude is not new to me. Although I've (so far) not been on the receiving end of any overt abuse, I have noticed the derision that some people have for beauty-related pursuits. I've heard an interest in beauty referred to in various contexts as "superficial", "frivolous", "a waste of time", even "unhealthy", and often with a general lack of regard. Being "into your looks" (of which I've been accused) can give rise to pejorative assumptions regarding intelligence and personality, none of which are mutually exclusive.

So why the bad rap?? I don't feel well-placed to comment extensively on the online anti-beauty brigade; such degrees of animosity suggest issues that run too deep to be analyzed homogeneously. My personal view is that there is never an excuse for nastiness or hurtful behaviour - that, over any physical manifestation, is downright ugly. It's an indication of their own self-esteem that these individuals take strength in anonymity and numbers - but then, I suppose that's human nature. I do have a few insights based on my interactions, not all of which have been negative, but revealing nonetheless.

My worst experiences have been with male colleagues who have exhibited an obvious disdain for me, while simultaneously taking over-familiar liberties that violate professional boundaries. Evidently, sometimes being well-presented is the equivalent of jumping out of a cake clad in a bikini - nothing new there, but a girl can hope for progress. Another familiar theme is hostility arising as a result of a perceived threat - to what, I'm not certain, but it almost always seems misinformed and misdirected.

Other experiences have been much more endearing; for example, when I worked at a makeup counter I encountered women who didn't take an interest in their appearance simply because they didn't know how. I met some working women and tired mothers who were often just grateful to have a seat and to let someone fuss over them, but were almost without exception thrilled with the "transformation" - in fact, little more than a few touch-ups that enhanced their own natural beauty. The candid chats that took place during these exchanges revealed that sometimes, our circumstances can consume us not only psychologically and spiritually, but also physically to the extent where we feel robbed of our right to beauty. Who can't relate to that? We all have areas of our lives that are either beyond our control or hard to cope with, and while external enhancements aren't a cure-all, they can certainly help to lift our spirits even when we feel overwhelmed.

Girl at Mirror by Norman Rockwell

What my experiences have demonstrated unequivocally is that, whether it's a make-over, a painting or a perfume, everyone loves beauty. Even those that purport a distaste for the concept will be mesmerized by it in some state or another. In cosmetological terms, there is a huge industry surrounding beauty that will never go out of business, least of all in the current economic climate; Olay's 2010 Big British Beauty Poll revealed that the beauty industry has thrived during this recession, and The Economist explored this phenomenon in an article called 'Lip Reading: Cosmetics in the Downturn' in 2008.* Yet I think there's a misguided belief that beauty is exclusive and unattainable, and makes people feel that they can't be a part of it. I don't believe that this can be true because the idea of beauty is so subjective and multi-dimensional; nobody can tell you what beauty is, only what it means to them. And even on our worst day, there will be someone who thinks that we are beautiful.

Finally, I'll leave you with a humdinger: isn't it the case that beauty only makes us feel bad when it reminds us of something we're not happy about? For example, two of the most beautiful things I saw today were Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and a cheesecake. I'm sad to say that both made me feel like crap. I can recognize these feelings as a projection of my image issues and guilt (yes, I ate the cheesecake), although it's a hard pill to swallow; I would hope that if I ever met Rosie, I wouldn't make her feel bad just because she is gorgeous and I can't say 'no' to cake - or 'yes' to the treadmill, for that matter. I have to work on what makes me feel beautiful, inside and out, and enjoy the beauty all around me. Then I intend to have my cake and eat it, too. 

*from article 'The UK Beauty Industry During the Recession' http://blog.simonjersey.com/beauty-news/the-uk-beauty-industry-during-the-recession/

Beauty is as beauty does

We've all heard those sayings: "beauty is only skin-deep", "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Clichés? Sure, but many of us find them reassuring too. Sadly, societal expectations and pressures can make it so hard for us to retain confidence in our individual beauty.


I'm pretty sure you're all familiar with - if not afflicted by - the desire to conform to media-endorsed standards, so I won't beat you about the head with it. (Although this is a phenomenon that affects both men and women, I'm only writing it from a female perspective as that's my frame of reference.) I don't want to talk about beauty as we "know" it. What I do want to talk to you about is true beauty, which doesn't lie flat on a page. Beauty is not the one-dimensional image we see in a photograph. Beauty, to me, is fierce, radiant, and unconcerned with what anyone else thinks about beauty. So how about we turn the beauty cliché into a beauty paradox: "beauty doesn't care about beauty".


Personally, I love the aesthetic aspect of beauty. I love my makeup and my products, and it's something that I have a lot of fun with and take a genuine interest in. That said, I think it's also important to aspire to a healthier and more holistic sense of beauty than the mainstream version that's thrust at us every day. I also know there are a lot of people who are confident in themselves, which is exactly what this post is about. I'm just writing this for anyone who might agree that there are ways of feeling uniquely beautiful that could free us from constantly comparing ourselves to cover girls.


I'm lucky that I have a lot of strong and inspiring women in my life, who are also incredibly beautiful. Although they're all so different, one thing they share is a confidence in their own beauty - physical or otherwise. Who they are inside shows on the outside, and they radiate. Let me introduce you to some of these women:


The Warrior
She is the very model of three-dimensional beauty. She goes through life kicking ass and she takes no prisoners; there is nothing she can't do, physically, mentally or intellectually, and she can scare the crap out of people. But incredibly, she is as soft as she is hard; she is kind and generous, and stunning in her femininity. Most importantly, she knows all this about herself and she embraces it, and she's one of the most beautiful women I know.



The CEO
Talk about an empowered woman. She built her empire from nothing, and did it with both barrels. Her brains, self-belief and tenacity made her hugely successful in a man's world, where she never concealed or defended her feminine attributes and she welcomed those that underestimated her so she could prove them wrong. She is the busiest and most powerful woman I know - but she still makes time for the salon and is groomed to perfection.  


The Mother
My friend has always been beautiful, but I've never seen her happier or more peaceful than she is as a mother. Even though she has her troubles, the sense of purpose she now has changed her outlook, and how she sees herself. It's like her pregnancy glow never left her, and she's a perfect example of inner calm and confidence reflecting outwardly. She's the most beautiful I've ever seen her.


The Creative
She is always eager to learn and to develop, and her motivation is inspiring. She is absolutely gorgeous but has zero interest in maintaining herself aesthetically, preferring to focus on other more rewarding pursuits. She doesn't wear a scrap of makeup but still has men walking into lamposts, because she is so confident about who she is and how she presents herself, which is so uniquely her.


These are just a handful of the women I know who've challenged my superficial perspective of beauty. Actually, I know very few women who aren't beautiful so there are lots more where these came from. This post could just as easily have been about you, so go sing some Christina Aguilera - I had 'Beautiful' in mind, but go for 'Dirrty' if that's what makes you feel good - and feel beautiful, peeps!